Hi friends, I know it’s been awhile since I’ve written to you. I meant to blog more over the summer but it just kind of escaped me.
Summertime has always been my favorite, 100 degree weather, sitting out by the pool, sundresses, fresh watermelon and being outside until the sun goes down are some of my favorite things. And of course, who doesn’t love a beautiful summer sunset?
But this summer was unlike any other I have ever had before. It was a summer filled with fullness, yet sprinkled with moments of doubt and worry. But as I look back on my 16 weeks spent with my family in southwest Missouri, I wouldn’t change it. I grew in ways I didn’t think I could and learned to love beyond my natural capacity.
I interned at a news station with a contact consumer reporter. Basically, you bought into a scam? Tell us the details and we’ll fight the crime. It was great. We were busting crooks and making wrongs, a right – each and every day. I was slightly obsessed with my new job (and if you were wondering, I got a badge) but I also really loved the people I was working with. I became invested in their lives; I desired to see them know Jesus. It was strange because I had never seen a need for the gospel, quite like this before. This was my battleground for the summer, the place the Lord had appointed me to be a light.
Interning gave me purpose this summer, not only was I certain what my ministry was – but I was certain that broadcast journalism was what I wanted to pursue. All through the month of June, I would stay up late at night trying to figure out what life after graduation would look like. And I would worry about how Tyler and I were going to find jobs in the same city and how would we balance getting married along with that?! I would worry and worry and worry. Honestly, I believe I had made worry and idol. I would give more attention to my worry than the promises that the Lord had given to me.
One sunny day in early July all my anxiety about the future came to a head. I remember sitting in the studio watching the 6 o’clock news telling the Lord, “If you don’t want me to do this, take away my passion for it. If this is not the job field you have for me – make it so clear. Because this is what I want to do, but I want you to know that you are my greatest good. So even if you decide to take it from me, that’s okay. You can have it.”
My summer can be described with one word: surrender.
And that prayer, led to freedom. The worry fell off of me, the pressure to have it figured out – dissipated, the desire to not disappoint those mentoring me – diminished, and I felt full. It was like I was bound in chains I didn’t even know I was wearing and as I silently said these words, the chains were released. This wholeness was one I had been desperately searching for, but I had allowed worry to eat me alive. I learned this summer that worry is debilitating, it keeps you from experiencing the fullness of God’s love. When I just simply sit and bask in God’s love for me, man’s approval doesn’t matter and ultimately what I do with the rest of my life doesn’t matter either. I had to come to a breaking a point, a place where I could give everything up and know the Lord was enough.
About four weeks later, I was driving to Kentucky with my mom for a job interview. After 8 hours of quizzes, questions and pages upon pages of scripts – I was offered a position as a news reporter for a station in eastern Kentucky. Oh how faithful the Lord is.
And as I sit back and reflect on this journey, I am amazed. I realized how lowly my efforts were and my worry brought me nowhere. But when I was concerned with serving, loving others and following the Lord – it all fell into place.
It’s an exercise in trust. Taste and see that the Lord is good. Grasp His faithfulness, tell of His great works. Believe He has gone before you, and know that He is for you.